Disclaimer: This is based on personal experiences and opinion.
We all know a cookie cutter is made to mold undefined dough into a defined cookie dough shape that we would like. And then we would create several cookies using the same exact mold. Maybe it’s because that’s how we like our cookies or that’s what we assume all the cookies of the same dough should look like. Picture our emotions as a tool that has one shape, let’s say a star. Use that star shaped tool on every single person you date. Those emotions are imprinted in that relationship. Now you’ve shaped a star in every relationship you’ve been in and you still don’t understand why the outcome of your relationship with each partner is not what you may like.
So why are we showing the same emotions to each person we date if we don’t seem to be successful with our goal to be with one partner for the rest of our lives. Or better yet why are we dating with the same emotions and seeing a repetition of the same outcomes in different relationships?
So let’s dissect emotions for a bit, according to Paul Thagard Ph.D., article in PsychologyToday ‘emotions are judgments about the extent that the current situation meets your goals’. This may take a twist here, For a long time in my long term relationships I’d been very nonchalant and quiet when my partner made me upset rather than express myself and later blow up in a rage. Ofcourse my partner hated that, but that’s just how I’ve been for so long. Never thought it was something I needed to change until I began to realize that I may need to evaluate the way I show my emotions. My goal has always been to be transparent and show my partner that I care and wanted a long lasting relationship. But that’s the tool I’ve showed all my partners. So I’ve come to the conclusion that whatever I’m doing may need to change a bit. That cookie cut mold is not effective for me, however it may work for some. And if you prefer showing that same form of emotion to each partner then that’s your preference. But as for myself, I believe change is necessary for a successful goal to be reached. If we can accept change in our workplace to grow and learn new skills. We could change how we express some of the same emotions that could be hindering us from being in a long lasting relationship. I rather make a change than never change and regret it later.