Welcome to the Original Good Girl blog, where I share stories, pep talks and advice given to me over my lifetime. The name Original Good Girl came from always being labeled a “good girl” because being kind and pretty with a smile was all everyone wanted to see. Until I started showing everyone that there was more to me than my pretty face and smile and I learned alot about myself from good and toxic relationships, many friendships, sporadic dating, and most importantly my Mental well being and everything else in between.
As a young black woman in a changing world that is trying to understand me and my culture. I am ready to teach and learn.
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These past 2 years have been a lesson I never thought I needed. Love, friendships, finances, career goals and all changed the way I view myself. Goals, we all create them and then set the clock to go out and live out the plans we create. Then along comes a circumstances we cannot control. However, it’s how we choose to move forward that sets a new tone in our life.
Story Time: Last year I was in a car accident, arrested, cashed out all my savings to pay for damages, gave up on a friend (nearly gave up on all my friends), lost my Grandmother to COVID-19, fell into the deepest depression I had ever been in, picked myself up, wrote in my journal day and night, became valadictorian of a 13-week program, dated, celebrated my birthday with someone other than my friends out of town, processed all my feelings and began a journey of healing. WHEW, I think that’s everything. Not my best 2 years but an encouraging and awakening lesson in adulthood.
This blog was my escape when I started, but I now see how escaping was the wrong direction. I needed to heal. Healing means passing through the pain, sitting in it and overcoming all my fears. It’s not pretty, nor feels good in the process, but the results are surprising. I’ve had to welcome fast balls thrown my way and catch them rather than dodge them.
I realized this is MY life and I must narrate the way I want to see it every day, and although some days are bad other days are good. It’s called BALANCE. Everyday isn’t always a good day and that’s real life. The pretty perfect pictures on Instagram and other social media platforms are a facade and we have to understand how to differentiate real life and fiction. And above all stop comparing yourself to others!
It’s not popular to show the good and the ugly to strangers, friends and family. In fact people don’t celebrate the downfalls of life because they don’t know how to nurture when we are unhappy or feel damaged. Yet, we say Self-Care is the best way to lift our spirits when in fact we need people in our lives to hug, a shoulder to cry on, or to simply listen or even sit in silence with. How you process your feelings is your choice but learn how to process those emotions before you project them onto others.
After being home more often (due to COVID restrictions) I’ve spent my time awakening into adulthood each day, and I’ve allowed The Original Good Girl in me to walk away. And I’m proud of her. She’s come a long way and evolved into a woman. Life happens and it’s like they always say “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”.
I’ll leave you with this, always remember there are three versions of you; 1. How you see you. 2. How others see you. 3. How you think others see you. Find out which is more important to you.
This year I struggled with finding peace. Whether I was home alone, with friends, family or strangers, I felt agitated. It was the little things that would occur for example; repeating myself to family and friends more often than before and it was really getting under my skin. I’d question myself “how could I have never told this person that before?” Or “Is he/she listening to anything I’m saying”. I started taking it personally and it also felt like I was in a twilight zone where I was never making any progress with the people in my life. So I decided fairly recently to no longer repeat things I may have mentioned before instead observe and respond respectfully.
Which all leads to giving people the benefit of the doubt. Dr. Maya Angelou once said “when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them”. This is a biggie for me. I used to give many people the benefit of the doubt. I believed that they needed someone to give them many chances before they improved their ways. But after being hurt several times repeatedly by several people, I really was harming myself.
“When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them”
Dr. Maya Angelou
Listen, doubting someone’s actions is a form of abuse on yourself. Believe what people show you, some people talk a good talk and are great at charming their way into what they want from you. But actions that display the opposite of words spoken is a recipe for confusion otherwise known as GASLIGHTING. We all have a sense of intuition that protects us from people that will hurt us, yet we choose to ignore it many times until it’s too late and the damage is already done. When we know better we must do better for the sake of our mental health. I saw an art figure by the artist Kaws where a Pinocchio figure removed his growing nose; it was called “Better Knowing”, I interpreted it as it is better to know the truth than to continuously lie to oneself. Don’t lie to yourself when the truth is shown to you.
And lastly, saying “I told you so” is a child’s response. Instead of telling others “I told you so” say “how did you come to that conclusion” and watch how they will unwrap the things you have mentioned to them from previous conversations. Some folks need to experience situations on their own, we’re stubborn humans. We think we have a better resolution and way of doing things. But in reality we really just want to see a different outcome with our own eyes.
Give yourself peace by letting go of the things that upset you. That’s the direction I’m talking now to find inner peace, it’s not easy but it’s progress. Move onward and learn from the mistakes of others by listening, hearing and understanding. And if you don’t understand ask questions. I read somewhere that ‘History never repeats itself; Man always does’.
Loving a movie or hobby, or job is relatively easy.
Loving someone takes patience, understanding, the capacity to know they have faults that you have to accept, and accepting them as who they show up to be.
Being authentic sounds so cool, but it is simply raw. As we grow out of seasons in our lives, we will change. We never remain the same. And that’s the exciting thing consistency; change is consistent.
Loving someone is also fun, despite the differences you may share. The differences bring beauty into a relationship that is necessary when two people are authentic to themselves. Differences can bring joy and laughter while getting to know each other with an open mind and open heart.
We have to be vulnerable, and although sometimes it may hurt, it can also bring peace. A peace where sharing yourself with someone who wants to listen and take time to understand you is like no other; it’s love.
However, we should always face the truth by asking ourselves, am I ready to love someone as they are without asking them to change? People don’t change for others; they truly change for themselves. And while it may sound selfish, it’s a form of self-awareness. We all do what is best for ourselves.
So as we think about our partner, relationships, and friendships we should take it easy on ourselves and take it one day at a time.